Fireball, angry orchard and porn. Good night ❤️👌
What do you even call this feeling? One second I’m stone cold, no emotions, just logic with a hint of anger and then the wall crumbles and I fall apart into a puddle of tears as fears. The worst part is I don’t know which emotion I prefer. It’s easier to stay stoic, but I feel the pain cementing. Creating this boulder in the pit of my stomach for me to grow over and harder around. I hate it. But when I let myself dissolve into tears I feel microscopic and lost in a sea of emotions. What do you do when your happiness is what ends up destroying you? I guess I have to make myself my happiness this time. But this isn’t an easy place to start. How do I look at you again and not see the dirty stains of what you did? How do I kiss you again without feeling like you’re foreign? How do I even begin to think about letting you back in after this? But the harder question, is how do I let go of you and move on without you. The second I laid my eyes on you I was in love. We ha that fairy tale love. Did have problems before this? Of course, but we got over them and they made is stronger. I just can’t tell if we start building from the bottom up again if we’ll be stronger or if there will be cracks in the foundation that shake to the core and crumble around us over and over again. How do you get through walls? I’ve always just jumped over them and never looked back. I don’t know how to live without you, but I don’t know what life with you will be like after this. Will the pit in my stomach ever go away? All I can hear is her words “if it’s worth it, you work through it, together.” Is it worth it? I’ve never doubted us before and this doubt makes me question my entire being, to the core. You’re more of me than I am. Weren’t those your words? They’re ringing in my head while I feel the parts of you that you ripped out. I feel so empty without it. Where do I go to feel comfort when comfort was your arms, and now they feel dirty and suffocating? These are the first solid thoughts I’ve been able to grasp, and all they’ve done is made me more confused. It’s like my body won’t let me actually feel the love that I have for you. And then you broke down and I couldn’t not comfort you. How ironic. The only solid thing I’ve decided is this healing needs to start with me. I guess I just need to find me again. Rely on myself for my happiness. And then work on us and hope that these feelings and these pictures going through my mind fade away.
I have to be up in 5 hours, and I can’t sleep. I’ve been staying up increasingly late lately and I hate my body for it, like really, I used to be the type of person who went to bed at 10. Ugh. And my stomach is making the weirdest noises right now. I can’t wait to go to school and work tomorrow. And school and work the next day. And the next day. And the next. Can it just be spring break yet? Better yet can it be summer? Even better, can I just be done with school forever.
- Eric Thomas (via girl-in-nike)
Know where you stand.
Why I love history.
wow. this blew my mind.
I AM THE OPPOSITE OF SORRY
trying to cheer your favourite person up